Dog Jokes (most VERY bad ....)

What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard! It's the best thing for a hot dog.

Policeman: "Excuse me Sir, but were you aware that your dog has been chasing a guy on his bike?"
Dog Owner: "Are you nuts? My dog hasn't even got bike."

Why did the Eskimo name his dog "Frost"? Because "Frost" bites.

I have stopped the dog from digging up the garden. I confiscated his shovel.

I named my 2 dogs Rolex and Timex. They're my watchdogs.

Which dog always knows what time it is? A watchdog.

Why is a noisy yappy dog like a tree? - They both have a lot of bark.

What do you have if you breed a cocker spaniel with a poodle and a rooster?
A cockerpoodlepoo!

Why do dogs make terrible dancers? Because they have 2 left feet.

What is the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?
Well, one of them wags his tail and the other tags his whales.

What kind of dog is the quietest sleeper of all? A hush puppy.

What do you call a magical dog? A labra-cadabra-dor.

Paddy is extremely upset when his dog runs away.
His wife says to him: "Paddy, why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
Paddy thinks that this is a great idea so he proceeds to do so.
Paddy hasn't heard anything back from the ad in weeks when his wife asks him:
"What did you you put in the ad for our missing dog, Paddy?"
Paddy replies: "'Here boy!' of course."

I used a spot remover on my dog..... He disappeared.

Where should you never ever take a dog shopping? A fleamarket.

What did the first flea say to the second flea?
"Should we walk or just take the dog?"

How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your back yard.

Husband: "It's raining cats and dogs now."
Wife: "That is ok, so long as it doesn't reindeer."

Did you hear about the dog who was fined for delivering puppies on the side of the road?
She was given a ticket for littering.

I bought a dog from a blacksmith, but when we got home he made a bolt for the door.

How can you be sure that you have a slow dog? It chases parked cars.

What type of dog does Dracula have? A bloodhound.

What do you get if you cross a dog with a phone? A golden receiver.

Bruno the dog was watching a movie. Why did the movie keep stopping and starting?
Because he couldn't resist pressing the paws button.

Why do dogs really like sandpaper? Because it is extremely ruff.

What did the man get who tried to cross breed a computer with a dog?
Too many bites to handle.

Man: "Our dog is such a good, clever boy dear. He brings in a newspaper every day."
Wife: "I guess that is pretty clever."
Man: "Yes, especially when we have never signed up or bought a subscription to any."

Why did the mother flea feel so depressed? Because all her kids were going the dogs.

Which dog loves having his hair washed in the bath? A shampoodoodle.

How many hairs are in a dog's tail? None, They are all on the outside.

What is the most boring type of dog. - A dullmation.

A large number of dogs escaped the SPCA today. Police are looking for leads.

Every single day I have a German Shepherd come and take a dump on my lawn in the morning. Today he even brought his dog with him!

What do you call a dog that is in a submarine? A sub-woofer.

How does a Japanese chihuahua say hello? Konichihuahua

Fred: "My dog has no nose."
Jim: "How does he smell?"
Fred: "Terrible."