Husband can't believe the temerity of this guy.

"Bugger off, it's 2.30 in the bloody morning, get some other mug to push you!"

He goes upstairs and gets back in bed with his wife.

"Who was that?" she asks.

"I dunno, some twat wanting me to give him a push! At this time of the bloody night, I ask you!"

Wife is unimpressed with husband's lack of compassion.

"So, how would you feel if one of our kids' cars broke down and they knocked on someone's door in desperation and THEY were told to bugger off? How'd you feel then?"

Seeing her point he decided to go back down and make things right. He opens the door but can't see the chap anywhere so he calls out

"Oi mate, where are you? I will help."

To which he gets a little quiet distant response :

"I'm over here, on the swing..............."