Aphorisms 1

1. I started with nothing. I still have most of it.

2. When did my wild oats turn to prunes and all bran?

3. I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

5. All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.

6. If all is not lost, where is it?

7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

8. If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

9. The first rule of holes if you are in one, stop digging.

10. I tried to get a life once, but they told me they were out of stock.

11. I went to school to become a wit; only got halfway though.

12. It was so different before everything changed.

13. Some days you're the dog, and some day's you're the hydrant.

14. Nostalgia isn't what it use to be.

15. Old programmers never die. They just terminate and stay resident.

16. A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.

17. I wish the buck stopped here! I could use a few.

18. Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.

19. It's not the pace of life that concerns me; it's the sudden stop at the end.

20. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.