A friend of mine, who works away from home all week, always makes a morning available at the weekend when he takes his 7-year old granddaughter for a drive in his car - just the two of them. They both very much look forward to this.

One particular weekend however, he had a bad cold and had to stay in bed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out in the car on Sunday morning.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see how her Grandfather was.

'Well, did you enjoy your ride with Grandma?' he asked.

'Great, Grandpa' the little girl replied, 'and do you know what? We didn't see a single tosser, blind bastard, dick-head or wanker anywhere today!'