Surrealist Science - 25 highbrow jokes

1. A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies: “No, I’m travelling light.”

3. What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac spend most of his time doing? Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

6. Pavlov is enjoying a pint in the pub. The phone rings. He jumps up and shouts: “Hell, I forgot to feed the dog!”

8. There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that know binary, and those that don’t.

10. The barman says: “We don’t serve faster-than-light particles here.” A tachyon enters a bar.

12. What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder.

15. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it’s a hardware problem.

23. Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French café, revising his draft of "Being and Nothingness". He says to the waitress: “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies: “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?”

25. A programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.