| More Quickies |  |
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a Coffin. Three hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself; they've lost the plot!!
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance,
So I pushed her over.
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a
”Bugger that” says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go Blind?"
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker.
Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkers saying that they wouldn’t feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman.
What a pair of sexists!
I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the thing!
Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday. But it went off before I could eat it!
Murphy says to Paddy
"What ya talkin to an envelope for?"
"I'm sending a voicemail ya thick sod!"
Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.