• "Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet." -- In the information booklet.
  
• "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.

• "For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.

• "Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron.

• "Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer.

• "Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer.

• "Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device.

• "Do not place this product into any electronic equipment." -- On the case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket.

• "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

• "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists.

• "This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool.

• "Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant.

• "Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.

• "Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn.

• "Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter.

• "Battery may explore or leak." -- On a battery. See a scanned image.

• "Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer.

• "Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow.

• "This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom heater.

• "May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray.

• "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock."

• "Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box.

• "Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup.

• "Caution: Shoots rubber bands." -- On a product called "Rubber Band Shooter."

• "Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a frisbee.

• "Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.

• "Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife.

• "Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old.

• "Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a battery.

• "Warning: Do not use on eyes." -- In the manual for a heated seat cushion.

• "Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer.

• "Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven.

• "For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod.

• "For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener.

• "Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." -- On a can of air freshener.

• "Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.

• "Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft." -- In the manual for a jetski.

• "Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm.

• "Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty.

• "Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia.

• "Warning: knives are sharp!" -- On the packaging of a sharpening stone.

• "Not for weight control." -- On a pack of Breath Savers.

• "Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth." -- On the label of a bottled drink.

• "Theft of this container is a crime." -- On a milk crate.

• "Do not use intimately." -- On a tube of deodorant.

• "Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison.

• "Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757.

• "Cannot be made non-poisonous." -- On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid.

• "Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller.

• "Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes." -- On a tube of agarose powder, used to make gels.

• "Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail truck.

• "Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta iron.

• "Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine.

• "For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of Christmas lights.

• "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume.

• "This door is alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am." -- On a hospital's outside access door.

• "Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station.

• "Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems." -- On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets.

• "Product will be hot after heating." -- On a supermarket dessert box.

• "Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box.

• "Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter.

• "Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." -- On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy.

• "Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice.

• "May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers.

• "Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty." -- A printed message that appears in a television advertisement when the presenter demonstrates how strong the cookware is by using it to beat up and destroy a regular frying pan.

• "Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw.

• "Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From a manual for an SGI computer.

• "Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts.

• "Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing.

• "Do not eat if seal is missing." -- On said seal.

• "Remove occupants from the stroller before folding it."

• "Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box." -- On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds.

• "Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills.

• "Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.

• "Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In the instructions for an electric thermometer.

• "Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.

• "Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame.

• "Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets.

• "Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.

• "Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV.

• "For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack.

• "Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone.

• "Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch.

• "Do not wear for sumo wrestling." -- From a set of washing instructions. See a scanned image.

• "Safe for use around pets." -- On a box of Arm & Hammer Cat Litter.

Small Print From Commercials:

• "Do not use house paint on face." -- In a Visa commercial that depicts an expecting couple looking for paint at a hardware store.

• "Do not drive cars in ocean." -- In a car commercial which shows a car in the ocean.

• "Always drive on roads. Not on people." -- From a car commercial which shows a vehicle "body-surfing" at a concert.

• "For a limited time only." -- From a Rally's commercial that described how their burgers were fresh.

Signs and Notices:

• "No stopping or standing." -- A sign at bus stops everywhere.

• "Do not sit under coconut trees." -- A sign on a coconut palm in a West Palm Beach park circa 1950.

• "These rows reserved for parents with children." -- A sign in a church.

• "All cups leaving this store, rather full or empty, must be paid for." -- A sign in a Cumberland Farms in Hillsboro, New Hampshire.

• "Malfunction: Too less water." -- A notice left on a coffee machine.

• "Prescriptions cannot be filled by phone." -- On a form in a clinic.

• "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." -- On a bag of Fritos.

• "Fits one head." -- On a hotel-provided shower cap box.

• "Payment is due by the due date." -- On a credit card statement.

• "No small children." -- On a laundromat triple washer.

• "Warning: Ramp Ends In Stairs." -- A sign, correctly describing the end of a concrete ramp intended for handicap access to a bridge.

Safety Procedures:

• "Take care: new non-slip surface." -- On a sign in front of a newly renovated ramp that led to the entrance of a building.

• "In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood, proceed uphill quickly." -- One of the emergency safety procedures at a summer camp.

Ingredients:

• "Ingredients: Artificially bleached flour, sugar, vegetable fat, yeast, salt, gluten, soya flour, emulsifier 472 (E) & 481, flour treatment agents, enzymes, water. May contain: fruit." -- The ingredients list on a package of fruit buns.

• "100% pure yarn." -- On a sweater.

• "Some materials may irritate sensitive skin. Please look at the materials if you believe this may be the case.
  Materials:
  Covering: 100% Unknown.
  Stuffing: 100% Unknown."
  -- On a pillow.

• "Cleans and refreshes without soap or water. Contains: Water, fragrance & soap." -- On the packet for a moist towelette. See a scanned image.

Instructions:

• "Remove the plastic wrapper." -- The first instruction on a bag of microwave popcorn; to see the instructions, one first has to remove the plastic wrapper and unfold the pouch.

• "Take one capsule by mouth three times daily until gone." -- On a box of pills.

• "Open packet. Eat contents." -- Instructions on a packet of airline peanuts.

• "Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat." -- Instructions on the packaging for a muffin at a 7-11.

• "Use like regular soap." -- On a bar of Dial soap.

• "Instructions: usage known." -- Instructions on a can of black pepper.

• "Serving suggestion: Defrost." -- On a Swann frozen dinner.

• "Simply pour the biscuits into a bowl and allow the cat to eat when it wants." -- On a bag of cat biscuits.

• "In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors." -- In a car manual.

• "Please include the proper portion of your bill." -- On the envelope for an auto insurance bill.

• "The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the 'on' position." -- Instructions for an espresso kettle.

• "For heat-retaining corrugated cardboard technology to function properly, close lid." -- On a Domino's sandwich box.

Requirements:

• "Optional modem required." -- On a computer software package.