WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

Plato: For the greater good.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

Karl Marx (revisited): It was a historical inevitability.

Hamlet: Because 'tis better to suffer in the mind the slings and arrows of outrageous road maintenance than to take arms against a sea of on-coming vehicles ...

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

Malcolm X: Because it would get across that road by any means necessary.

Trent Reznor: Because the world is FU**ED UP and it HATES ITSELF for being such a PITIFUL WHINY USELESS S**T!

Darth Vader: Because it could not resist the power of the Dark Side.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

John Constantine: Because it'd made a bollocks of things over on this side of the road and figured it'd better get out right quick.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Baldrick: It had a cunning plan.

Wesley: It's terribly fashionable, I think everyone will be doing it in the future.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

George Bush: To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.

Julius Caesar: To come, to see, to conquer.

Darwin: It was the next logical step after coming down from the trees.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Bob Dylan: How many roads must one chicken cross?

Epicurus: For fun.

Paul Erdos: It was forced to do so by the chicken-hole principle.

Gerald R. Ford: It probably fell from an airplane and couldn't stop its forward momentum.

Sigmund Freud: The chicken obviously was female and obviously interpreted the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a phallic symbol of which she was envious, selbstverstaendlich.

Zsa Zsa Gabor: It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which, thank goodness, are good, dahling.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Martin Luther King: It had a dream.

James Tiberius Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Sir Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.

Ronald Reagan: I forget.

Mr. Scott: 'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning properly. Ah canna work miracles, Captain!

Sisyphus: Was it pushing a rock, too?

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!

Margaret Thatcher: There was no alternative.

Mae West: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.

Johnny Tillotson: Because it was poultry in motion.