"Heartland"  Quotes

Mallory: "So how much money does Ty make?"

Jack:    "Well, that's none of your beeswax, Mallory."

Mallory: "Why, CEOS of huge companies publish their salary in like          "Forbes Magazine" for everybody to see."

Jack:    "You read "Forbes Magazine?"

Mallory: "My Mom does. But you've got to be paying him minimum,           right Jack? I mean, I'd be expecting a lot less seeing as           I'm only twelve."

Jack:     "Well, I'd pay you something if you made yourself useful            instead of following me around gabbing non-stop."

Mallory:  "Fine, give me a job."

Jack:     "Well, fine - clean out Copper's stall."

Mallory:  (long pause ....) "I don't do horse poo ..."

Jack:     "Well that's hard to avoid on a ranch, don't ya think?"


The handsome RCMP Officer Mark Rodriguez has just left the kitchen after reporting on the boy he pulled from the river ......

Amy to Lou: "Stop drooling."

Lou: "What!"

Amy: "Aren't you and Scott still technically together?"

Lou: "Yes ..... No ... you would have to ask him. Besides, just because a girl already has great clothes doesn't mean she can't window-shop."
Mallory is trying to sort out her feelings for and relationship with Jake .... Amy: "These things take time."

Mallory: "These things take time. That's it? That's the pep talk? That's the best you've got?"

During a power cut, Mallory once again makes fun of Lou's OCD!

Lou: "I think there are some candle-holders in the cupboard."

Mallory: "Any particular style or colour?"

Lou: "Don't push it ..."

Lou has offered to let Mrs Bell use the ranchhouse kitchen to process her famous strawberry jam, and Jack helpfully volunteers Lou's help ......

Jack:
Lou:
Mrs Bell:

Lou:

"And Lou here will be happy to give you a hand with the canning."
"I will?" (pained voice and expression)
"That's so nice of you Dear. It'll be so much fun to spend the whole day together."
"The whole day?"
  LATER IN THE RANCHHOUSE KITCHEN

Lou:


Mallory:

Lou:

Mrs Bell:



Lou:
"Come on Mallory; help me out. If I have to hear one more story about Sugarfoot I'm going to get diabetes."

"No ..."

"Mallory!"

"Just like a teenager: eat you out of house and home. Reminds me of my Sugarfoot. Did I ever tell you about the time he got his head stuck in the refridgerator?"

"No, but I can't wait for you to tell me all about it."
Mallory is once again getting involved
in everyone else's business! 		Lou: "Aren't you supposed to be in school?"
Mallory: "All the important stuff's already over: recess, gym, art.... now all that's left is science and math."
Mallory overhears a conversation she shouldn't have (as usual) between Lou and Mrs Wiley about a horse for the latter's daughter. Mallory thinks Lou is going to sell her Copper, so stays home and then runs away! Mallory: "I'm not going to school."

Amy: "Why not?"

Mallory: "I'm taking a mental health day."
Mallory is playing Cupid with Jack and Lisa. Mallory: "Do you like her, I mean like her, like her. Because when she was talking you were acting all funny. If that's true you should do something about it, because someone your age doesn't have all the time in the world to be playing hard to get." (Jack grimaces ...)

The Mallory view

of older people!

 Lisa: "What are you smiling at?"
Mallory: "You guys are cute."
Lisa: "Cute?"
Mallory: "Yeah, I mean, most people would find it gross; I mean I think it's gross when my parents do it."
Lisa: "Do what?"
Mallory: "When you kiss, like you're young or something. It's cute ..."
Lisa: "Oh good ....."
Jack returns from his fishing-trip with Lisa; Lou asks a loaded question and gets a cryptic answer, but everyone knows what he means. Lou: "How was your fishing-trip Grandpa?"

Jack: "Managed to hook myself a real beauty, despite it being real late in the season."
Lou's former colleagues at Strickland & Cooke are the first high-rolling clients of the 'Dude Ranch', and Lou's special guest Nadine Libchuk (the equine facilitator!) has let her down, poached by the Oprah Winfrey show. In desperation, she begs Amy to help out. Amy: "I will get them in a saddle, but I'm NOT going into all this 'inner productivity' garbage."

Lou: "Leave the garbage to me."
Jack comes through the front door, sees Mallory:

Jack: "Mallory, what are you doing here? Why aren't you at home?"

Mallory: "My Grandma's visiting. She just talks and talks. Do this, don't do that .... on and on. And she won't go home. Jack, you can't imagine!" and she trudges off to Catharine's room.

Jack smiles and says under his breath. "Oh, I can relate to that ..."
Lou is trying (so far unsuccessfully) to sell the idea of her "Corporate Equine Retreat" aka dude ranch. Frustrated at the impasse, she pleads with Jack. Lou: "I have my MBA."

Jack: "So I've heard ...."

Lou: "I need to use my skills or I'm going to go nuts and drive everyone else crazy."

Jack: "I know that, too - you already have."
As Hank Adams (father of Amy's teacher and former guitar player in Lyndy Bartlett's C&W band and now suffering from Alzheimer's) is leaving Heartland, Jack says:

Jack: "Life's pretty damn fragile; you can't leave things unsaid."
Peter is talking enthusiastically about the house overlooking the Dude Ranch he is going to build for his family. Peter: "It's going to be perfect."

Jack: "A huge DIY project, new baby, a wife with extremely high expectations; what could possibly go wrong?"

Peter laughs nervously ...
Amy is gentling a horse found running wild whose origin is unknown. Scott: Have you decided what to call him yet?
Amy: Well like you said, he's as stubborn as a mule and has almost no people skills, so I decided to call him ....(pauses, smiles) ... Lou."
Coming out of Maggie's, Mallory sees Lou getting into Peter's car as they set off for a romantic weekend.
Mallory:
Jake:
Mallory:
Jake:
Mallory:
Jake:
Mallory:
Jake:
Mallory:		 "OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!"
"What?"
"The oil guy's the internet guy."
"What?"
"Lou's internet boyfriend is P W Morris."
"Who?"
"Jack's gonna go nuts. Everyone's gonna go nuts."
"I wouldn't tell Jack if I were you."
"It's in my head, and once things are in my head, they come out of my mouth. Maybe Ty's right; maybe you can know too much."
Amy pops into Maggie's ... Amy: "I just stopped in to get some supplements for my Dad's new horse, something to take the edge off."

Ty: "The horse or your Dad?"
Jack is trying to get some work done and Mallory is "helping" .... Jack: "Can we pick up the pace? Maybe you could try working as fast as you talk."

Jack is a role-model for any man: hard-working, loyal to family and friends, reliable, decent, appreciative of others, but critical when necessary - drinks in moderation, patient, fair, wise ..... he is the rock of the family - and a true philosopher.

Mallory is abandoning Copper (who may have stangles) to go and see Badger. Jack intercepts her at the bus station:

 

Jack: "Just remember: the boys, they come and go - but a good horse is with you for the long haul."

S2E3: The 3 former New York colleagues of Lou leave after their weekend at the "Corporate Equine Retreat" (aka "dude ranch").

Jack to Lou: "Do you wish you were in that car on your way back to The Big Apple?"

Lou: "No. I'm happy to be exactly where I am."
Ty's Dad turns up with in the middle of the night with seven sick horses (including Ashley's Apollo) destined for the slaughterhouse, and Lou decides to buy them.

Ty: "I can't believe she bought them."

Amy: "Deep down she's just a big marshmallow."
Mallory is trying to sell Jack a new hat:

Mallory: "Come on Jack. Try it on; it's your size."

Jack: "How do you know how big my head is?"

Mallory: "Everyone knows you have a big head, Jack."
When Lou resurrects the Hudson Derby to try to thwart the idiot official trying to take Mrs Bell's Sugarfoot away and put the former into a care home, Jack decides he has to enter to avenge his unjust defeat in the last race by Tim 12 years ago. Ty: "You know, Jack, I really do admire you. I just hope that when I'm your
age I'm half as stupid as you are."
Ashley has damaged her car in an accident after getting drunk following a huge spat with her mother, who has provided a temporary replacement car. She has given up show-jumping to spite her mother and taken up golf.
Ashley:

Val:

Ashley:

Val:
Ashley: 		"An economy car? You expect me to be seen in public driving something like that?"
"My expectations of you these days my dear are pretty low. Since when did you start golfing anyway?"
"Since the lounge at the country club started selling fishbowl margaritas, plus the bartender looks like Johnny Depp."
"That supposed to be funny Ashley? I'm not even smiling."
"Oh Mother; you haven't smiled since the BOTOX."
Jack greets Jake as he arrives at the ranch to see Mallory after helping her to escape from her convent, escorting her the final 20km from Hudson on horseback. Jack: "Well, if isn't the Lone Ranger. I heard about your midnight ride. Don't tnink for a second that I approve of what you did."

Jake: "Guess not, but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do."
Mallory wants to repay Jake for buying her a bus ticket and other expenses involved in helping her flee the convent. She has found out that Mindy Fanshaw is staying at Heartland and is not supposed to tell anyone.

Jake is ..... Jake! 		Mallory: "She's really famous. I would tell you but it's a secret and they made me sign this stupid paper."

Jake: "I understand if it's a secret."

Mallory: "It's Mindy Fanshawe. She's staying here. I can get a bunch of stuff that she's personally used .... we could sell it on Ebay and make a fortune and then I could pay you back."

Jake; "I don't want money. I helped you out because that's the kinda guy I am ...".
Amy is in Maggie's talking to Soraya about the horse she calmed after the RTA which went viral and led to her being dubbed "The Miracle Girl". Ashley overhears and comes in on the conversation with a quip. Soraya: "So, how's it going?"

Amy: "It's good, you know. He's still really tense and he's super-sensitive, and he's hard to get close to ..."

Ashley: "We talking about Ty?"

Amy: "Funny ... No, Caesar, the horse that was stuck in the barbed wire ..."
Lou is obsessing because Marnie's baby is talking and Katie isn't. Peter is trying to inject some reason and realism into Lou .... Peter: "I didn't start talking until I was two."

Lou: "I started talking when I was nine months old."

Peter: "Yeah, and you haven't stopped since."

There are lots of love stories in "Heartland", and Mallory and Jake's is not the least of them. As usual, Jake is ever-constant, while Mallory is fending him off - as usual - this time because she has Badger on her mind ......

Working in the barn - Mallory's phone rings. 
Mallory: "Jake! This is like the third time he's called me today. He's always phoning me - he never has anything to say - he always just talks about nothing ....... and he sends me songs."

Amy: "That's kinda sweet."

Mallory: "No, it's not; they're always about broken-hearted cowboys."
At Lou's pre-wedding party at the ranch, Tim is being his usual self.
Jack: "Why do you make everything seem like root canal?"

When she first met Peter she told him: "This can never work.", but the reason it isn't working is not the one she thought it would be.

Amy: "Lou - what's wrong?"

Lou: "My life."

Amy: "Is everything OK with Peter?"

Lou: "Yes Honestly, we couldn't be better - except that we live in Dubai."

Amy: "Lou, I thought you loved it?"

Lou: "No, I hate it. All I do is go out on these frivelous outings with a bunch of women that I have nothing in common with. Mallory was right; it's like I'm on this permanent vacation ... from my life."

Amy: "Have you told Peter all this?"

Lou: "I've been lonely, but I didn't even know how lonely .... until I came home. It's like everywhere I look there's a reminder of what I've given up to follow him off to Dubai. I feel like I've given up a big piece of who I am, and I want it back."

Amy: "What you gonna do?"

Lou: "I don't know; I don't know ...."
OH DEAR ......
Jack: "You know, everyone's going to be asking ...."

Lou: "... why am I back so soon."

Jack: "Something like that."

Lou: "This is my home. Do I really need a reason to want to be with my family? I don't think so."

Jack: "Neither do I."
Lou's motherhood preparations are well under control ...... Lisa
seems not entirely convinced as she helps Lou prepare the new nursery.

Lisa:


Lou:

Lisa:

Lou:

Lisa:


Lou:

Lisa:

Lou:

Lisa:


Lou:

Lisa:
"... when I think how much time you're going to be spending here, especially during mat leave."

"Mat leave? I'm not taking mat leave."

"No?"

"No."

"Oh. I just assumed that you'd be taking a year off from the dude ranch after the baby was born."

"I might take a few weeks off, but I won't need a full year."

"Does that mean you're getting a Nanny?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Lou, I mean, between Heartland and the dude ranch it's more than a full-time job."

"... which I will be perfectly capable of doing."

Lisa pulls face ..... "OK."
Somewhat to Peter's surprise, Jack has
given the go-ahead for Peter and Lou to
build their own house out on the Dude Ranch.
Peter: "Thank you very much, Jack. Wow, we're really excited about it. We got a nice space picked out there; it's going to be really perfect."

Jack: "Oh, I'm sure it will be: a new baby, a huge do-it-yourself project, a wife with impossibly-high expectations ... What could possibly go wrong?"

Peter half-laughs wryly ...
Lou has worked out that Ty is thinking of proposing to Amy .... Jack knows already, but doesn't want to tell anyone because absolutely nobody in "Heartland" except himself can keep a secret for more than five minutes. Ty looking pensive has just left the kitchen:

Lou: "Is it nothing? You see, I think I know the same nothing that you know, and I don't think it's nothing. I think it's anything but nothing."

Jack: "Well, you're not going to say nothing about it, just because you think that nothing is something doesn't make something out of nothing. Get my drift?"
Tim has no idea how to behave or communicate with people. He has a severe personality disorder!

SEE HERE!

Tim: "Sorry I'm late."

 

Jack: "How you you be late for something        you're not invited to?"

Lou: "You could fake some enthusiasm!"

Amy: "I'm sorry. I was hoping Grandpa would give me some advice on something but instead he made it tougher."

Lou: "He's got a lot on his mind. You know, he's not saying anything but I think he's really upset about this whole Lisa thing."

Amy: "Do you think it's really over between them?"

Lou: "I think they're from two very different worlds and it's finally catching up to them."

Lou has just announced she has finished a big job on her computer, but Amy is distracted by her dilemma over Buckingham and Phoenix .....

 

Hugely ironic: Lou doesn't seem to realize that she could be talking about herself and Peter .....

Olivia goaded Georgie into decking her with a bloody nose. Peter later told Georgie not to react but to just imagine Olivia with carrots up her nose ......

Later Olivia does it again .....

Georgie (after winning the Spring Challenge): "You were a good competitor."

Olivia: "You should enjoy that ribbon; you won't be winning another one, because it's all about the horse, and I can always buy a better horse than you could ever dream of affording."    

Georgie (walking away ...): "Carrots up her nose, carrots up her nose."