The Pirate

A pirate walks into his local and the barman says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."

"What do you mean?" says the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg?" the bartender asks. "You didn't have that before."

"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now." says the pirate.

"Well, that was tough - but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?" asks the bartender.

"We were in another battle." replies the pirate. "I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight Me hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. But I'm fine really."

So the bartender asks, "But what about that eye patch?"

The pirate replies, "Oh, one day we were at sea, and a flock of sea gulls flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in me eye."

"You're kidding, " says the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from bird shit."

"It were me first day with the hook."