"What do you mean?" says the pirate, "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg?" the bartender asks. "You didn't have that before."
"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now." says the pirate.
"Well, that was tough - but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?" asks the bartender.
"We were in another battle." replies the pirate. "I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight Me hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. But I'm fine really."
So the bartender asks, "But what about that eye patch?"
The pirate replies, "Oh, one day we were at sea, and a flock of sea gulls flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in me eye."
"You're kidding, " says the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from bird shit."
"It were me first day with the hook."