Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once
again
asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by
adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. |
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Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
14. Dope-ler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
1. Coffee , n. the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted , adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate , v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade , v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly , adj. impotent.
6. Negligent , adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph , v. to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle , n. olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence , n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash , n. a rapidly receding hairline..
11. Testicle , n. a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude , n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon , n.. a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster , n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism , n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent , n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men
17. Negligent – a man who wears lingerie
18. Parsnip – Dad’s vasectomy
19. Marmite – Mum’s possibly up for it
20. Wallaby – someone aspiring to be a kangaroo
21. Countryside – to kill George Bush
22. Tomahawk – a vegetable of prey
23. Dip(h)thong – to wash an undergarment
24. Placebo – a Spanish tenor who does nothing for me
25. Homophobe – someone who doesn’t like The Simpsons
26. Rectitude – the angle at which a thermometer should be inserted
27. Portent – the Millennium Dome
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