Exam Howlers

Excerpts from' Anguished English', by Richard Lederer, of sentences which were actually written by real students in real classes in the United States.

• Having one wife is called monotony.
  
  
• In 1957, Eugene O'Neill won a pullet surprise.
  
  
• Inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.
  
  
• In nineteenth century Russia, the pheasants led horrible lives.
  
  
• Although the patient had never been fatally ill before, he woke up dead.
  
  
• Arabs wear turbines on their heads.
  
  
• A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.
  
  
• A virtuoso is a musician with really high morals.
  
  
• We had a longer holiday than usual this year because the school was closed for altercations.
  
  
• My wife must take things easy now that she is stagnant.
  
  
• The three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars.
  
  
• To be a good nurse, you must be absolutely sterile.
  
  
• Abstinence is a good thing if practised in moderation.
  
  
• Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.
  
  
• Unfortunately, we can't have children as my wife is inconceivable.
  
  
• Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
  
  
• The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer.
  
  
• In midevil times most people were alliterate.
  
  
• People put on plays about ghosts, goblins, virgins and other mythical creatures.
  
  
• Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet.