Blondes Fight Back

1. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do
the dishes?
Both of them.

2. Why did the man cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a slut.

3. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They won't stop and ask for directions.

4. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.

5. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
The bonds eventually will mature.

6. Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.

7. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know. It has never happened.

8. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.

9. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.

10. When do you care for a man's company?
When he owns it.

11. Why are married women usually heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed, married women come home, see what's in the bed and go to the fridge.

12. How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Tape the remote control between his toes.

13. What did God say after creating man?
"I must be able to do better than THAT!".

14. What did God say after creating Eve?
"Practice makes perfect".

15. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
They're all married.

16. Man says to God, "God, why did you make woman so beautiful? "God says, "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says, "So she would love you!".

17. One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 
'What setting do I use on the washing machine?' 
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?' 
He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma ..' 

18. A couple are lying in bed. 
The man says, 
'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.' 
The woman replies, 
'I'll miss you...' 

19. 'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?' 
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied. 

20. Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? 
A: A rumor 

21. Dear Lord, 
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death... 
AMEN 

22. Q: Why do little boys whine? 
A: They are practicing to be men. 

23. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? 
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough 

24. Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? 
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'